Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
