I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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