so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
