Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
