I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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