Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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