Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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