I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
