So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
