Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
