my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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