great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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