If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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