i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize