Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
