What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
