My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Rumble strips road head = magical
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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