did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
