is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
