Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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