You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
