If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
