we're blogging at a bar
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
