It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
