and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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