I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Let's paint friendship bongs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
