dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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