ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
