It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
