my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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