It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
