i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
