How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
