well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
