Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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