theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
