a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
