I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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