So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
