Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
