According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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