I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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