My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
