Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dignity is for republicans.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize