and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This toilet bowl is my home.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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