We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
