I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
