We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
