Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
