It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
