So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize