You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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