dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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