oh god the rape fog is back!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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