there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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