I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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