My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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