I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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