I wanna passion pit in your ass
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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